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Jowita Bydlowska

1. When do you feel at your most attractive?

I feel most attractive when all the elements work well together – hair, clothes, face – or when they juxtapose perfectly. Sometimes I see something – or someone – that is attractive (like a movie, a person on the street, a person in a magazine) and that inspires me and that inspiration makes me feel like I, too, could look good. Then in turn, sometimes, I feel good.

2. Do you notice women on the street? If so, what sort of women do you tend to notice or admire?

I notice women who wear typical sexy costumes (high heels, tight dresses/ skirts, long hair). I notice women who walk like they own the street. I tend to notice women who are -- I guess -- dressed to attract male attention.

3. What are some things you admire about how other women present themselves?

There are so many things. I could seriously spend hours talking about how incredibly inspired I am by other women – their clothes and hair and perfect or imperfect faces and beautifully mismatched or matched clothing. But I think it’s all about how confident they seem in their clothes that makes me admire them the most. I like women who “own” what they wear, especially if it’s risky. I love fuck-you women like PJ Harvey. I love costume and outrageousness (but I hate kooky): Daphne Guinness, Marchesa Cassati, yes, but also, a bit quieter: Frida Kahlo in a three-piece man’s suit, yes. My friend, poet Melanie Janisse, can – and does – wear whatever she wants and she looks amazing. She once took me to emergency, because I did too many drugs, and she had on a vintage silk Yves St. Laurent dressing gown that she wore as a dress and I remember coming to, slowly, unhappily and seeing that wave of rich silk and colour and feeling like things were going to be okay because there was beauty.

5. What are some shopping rules you wouldn’t necessarily recommend to others but which you follow?

I’ve never made a lot of money so that plays into how I buy my clothes (I also have a kid now so there’s guilt attached to spending too much money on clothes, on myself). But now that I’m older I’m happy to spend more money on something that’s going to last me longer but that is pricier. I’ve moved away from fast fashion in the past few years but, of course, I’ll still buy trendy clothes in affordable places.

I tend to have shopping “bursts” so I’ll buy lots of clothes and spend more money than I should, suddenly, and then not shop for forever. The thing about my bursts is that there’s a bingeing tendency to it – almost like I have to chase the high of an exciting item I purchased with another purchase. I realize that this is something that would get me in trouble if I were more committed to this particular form of addictive tendency.

6. What are some rules about dressing you follow, but you wouldn't necessarily recommend to others?

No jogging pants ever. No Crocs. No Birkenstocks. If it feels old as in gross-old (like a no-longer-very-white white shirt) throw it out immediately.

7. What is the most transformative conversation you have ever had on the subject of fashion or style?

My partner who is really into fashion and who writes about fashion has told me a lot about men’s fashion. I’ve gone shopping with him, for suits, before and it was fascinating to watch how much effort and knowledge had to go into finding a perfectly fitting suit. So, before I met my partner, I never paid a lot of attention to what men wore, or rather, to the parameters of men dressing fashionably but after meeting and talking with my partner I saw how complicated men’s fashion could be and how much fun. I always thought men had fewer options, fashion-wise, because of our gender-appropriate constructs, but being around my partner – who, for example, has worn a kilt, does wear a lot of bright colour and has no problem with flamboyance – had shown me that men’s clothing can be just as playful and sexy as women’s. Also, I’ve always been attracted to men in skirts so I’m happy to talk to any man in a skirt.

8. Do you have a unified way of approaching your life, work, relationships, finances, chores, etc.? Please explain.

I have three mottos: "Life is short," "Don't be a boring c*unt" (I love that word) and I can't remember the third one. I apply all three to everything in my life.

9. Are there any clothing (or related) items that you have in multiple? Why do you think you keep buying this thing?

White “wifebeaters” (ugh) -- because they go with everything and I love how androgynous they are.
White shirts – same reason.
Bras without underwire because they remain hard to find, still.
High heel shoes

11. Is there any fashion trend you’ve refused to participate in and why? 

Every time I notice a trend I try to avoid it for as long as I can. Sometimes I give in almost subconsciously (like it rubs off on me). I will never wear UGGs. Or blouses with birds on them.

12. Can you say a bit about how your mother’s body and style has been passed down to you, or not?

My mother is short, curvy and blonde and has green eyes. I'm tall, lean and dark-haired and my eyes are brown. But I was always inspired by the clothes she wore in the 60s and 70s when she was a young woman. I always admired her determination to wear fake lashes all the time -- she must've worn them a lot because she wears them in most of the pictures from that time -- including pictures from the beach. So her willingness to "suffer" for fashion has definitely affected me. I'm fond of corsets, uncomfortable shoes and pencil skirts.

13. Have you stolen, borrowed or adapted any dressing ideas or actual items from friends or family?

I’m sure I have. But then again, I’m always attracted to what attracts me in the first place. At the same time, I’ve used other people’s style as “jumping-off” point, an idea that I get to develop on my own.

14. Was there a point in your life when your style changed dramatically? What happened?

Once I went through short sexy phase full of miniskirts and pink and tiny tank tops because I wanted to fuck a boy and I thought that’s how you get to fuck them. I was still a baby then. Also, once, I cut off my hair because I was mad at a boy. I was even more of a baby then.

15. Is there anything political about the way you dress?

I'm a feminist in high heels.

16. Please describe your body.

I'm a tall, lean brunette. After having a baby, I've surprisingly lost some of my curves.

17. Please describe your mind.

I'm always thinking of stories I want to write. I also constantly think about what to do next and I feel like I'm running out of time to do all the creative things. I think too much. There's no such thing as thinking too much. When I'm depressed, I think about when I'm going to feel better or I don't think at all.

18. Please describe your emotions.

I'm in a constant state of longing.

19. What are you wearing on your body and face, and how is your hair done, right at this moment?

I'm wearing nothing on my face and on my body a silk shirt and a silk dress because it's very hot. My hair is freshly washed and uncombed as usual.

25. Are there any dressing tricks you’ve invented or learned that make you feel like you’re getting away with something?

I like to cut out necks in my t-shirts sometimes to make them more interesting.

33. What is really beautiful, for you, in general?

Visual art, confidence, kindness. Children. Also, some types of sadness. Catholic churches, the ugly airport in Warsaw, Poland. Nature.

38. What are you trying to achieve when you dress?

I’m trying to feel my most self, trying to wear what feels mostly like me. I equally admire and value toughness and vulnerability and I like to show this with what I wear. I like very subtle signifiers of the darker energy that I tend to be attracted to, via jewelry for instance.

40. If you had to wear a “uniform” what would it look like?

A white tank-top ("wifebeater"), a leather skirt and heels. But if I worked in a toy factory, a blue silk jumpsuit.

42. What is your cultural background and how has that influenced how you dress?

I’m Eastern European and I think I’ve jokingly used my background before to justify to others certain items of clothing that I’ve worn. I’ve joked about my Adidas jacket fetish and my white fur hat (RIP) as being an Eastern European affectation. I love flamboyance and femininity of some Eastern European folk fashions – purple and red roses against black, long hair and braids. I love the wildness of Tatars’ stories, the romance and tragedy of Eastern Europe’s history, the serious cinema, even the smoking – I’m pretty sure I’ve done and worn things that I believed to have a right to as being from that part of the world.

50. Do you ever wish you were a man or could dress like a man or had a man’s body? Was there ever a time in the past?

Absolutely. I love cross-dressing: Me as a boy and a girl. and Me as a boy and a girl again.

60. What do you think of perfume? Do you wear it?

Yes. Same one for years. Narciso Rodriguez (black)

62. How does makeup fit into all this for you?

I wear some makeup and sometimes I don’t wear any but I like makeup and I like wearing at least a little bit of it. When I was younger I was obsessed with dark-red lips and now I wear red lip stain and I wish I’d remember to wear it more often.

65. What is your favorite piece of clothing or jewelry that you own?

a leather skirt
a silver dress
a long, black silk dress
a black bamboo dress
an apron, seersucker dress
a black velvet jacket
a leather coat and the coat with leather sleeves
a vintage mink stole
a long, camel-hair coat
a white fur hat that I lost (I still think about it all the time)
a rubber and metal bracelet
bone and metal earrings from Finland
a silver wolf skull-replica necklace
a black heart necklace
motorcycle boots
black (Dr. Martens) boots with a heel
black patent heels
taupe wedges (that I always wear with flesh-coloured fishnet stockings) (I hate taupe but I like these guys)
a leather & metal belt with fire etchings

80. How does money fit into all this?

I’ve never made a lot of money so that plays into how I buy my clothes (I also have a kid now so there’s guilt attached to spending too much money on clothes, on myself). But now that I’m older I’m happy to spend more money on something that’s going to last me longer but that is pricier. I’ve moved away from fast fashion in the past few years but, of course, I’ll still buy trendy clothes in affordable places.

I tend to have shopping “bursts” so I’ll buy lots of clothes and spend more money than I should, suddenly, and then not shop for forever. The thing about my bursts is that there’s a bingeing tendency to it – almost like I have to chase the high of an exciting item I purchased with another purchase. I realize that this is something that would get me in trouble if I were more committed to this particular form of addictive tendency.

What’s your birth date? 
Where were you born and where do you live now?

I was born in Warsaw, Poland in 1977 and now I live in Toronto, Canada.

Say anything you like about your cultural/ethnic/economic background.

I'm Polish and I'm an artist so money comes and goes

What kind of work do you do?

I'm a writer

Are you single, married, do you have kids, etc.?

I have a boy child and a common-law partner

How do you feel after filling out this survey?

Great!

Bio

Jowita Bydlowska is a writer. Her first book, Drunk Mom, was a bestseller. Her next book, Guy, is coming out in 2016. Jowita also takes pictures and cross-fades minimal techno, electro and tech-house.

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